It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
