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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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