Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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