Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How does it feel to date your dad?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
