Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
