well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
