i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
