Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
A bitchslap is in order.
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