when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
