I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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