Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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