have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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