you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm sobbing to NWA
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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