I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
