It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
there is glitter all over my balls
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
