Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
