Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you had me at cake vodka
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
