i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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