just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
