Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
