There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
