Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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