Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
