Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
