I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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