Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
