i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
