According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
