and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
