advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
