i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
