Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
