Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
