pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
