That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
