guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
