And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
