low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
