I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
