hotel room ftw
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
