And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
A bitchslap is in order.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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