she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
