When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
