a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
