WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
