I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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