No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
