Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
