and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
