You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
