My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
